subdee ([info]sub_divided) wrote,
@ 2004-11-14 20:40:00
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Current mood:frantic. doomed.
Entry tags:fanfic:oneshot, series:death note

Death Note Bondage Fic - Complete!
Title: Methods of Interrogation
Summary: Is it interrogation, or torture? A battle of minds on an uneven playing field.
Disclaimer: DN isn't mine and neither are half the ideas in this one (sorry [info]keraha, [info]telophase)
Notes: Set during chapter 35 of the manga, slight AU.
Further Notes: Not really a bondage fic.


Methods of Interrogation

Light found that with both hands chained behind his back no position was comfortable for long. Sleeping became a complex mental exercise.

He lay on his stomach, knees ground into the cot, bare feet sticking out past the edge, toes reaching for the floor. He turned his head to one side, focused on the perfect blankness of the "far" wall--actually not very far away at all. Pros: no weight to either arm, less pressure on his joints. Cons: A passive position and difficult to get out of. He felt exposed. The arch of his back put pressure on his lungs and spine.

He twisted onto his side, pulled his legs forward until they bent in front him, hunched his back as much as he could. Cons: He was putting pressure on stretched-out shoulder muscles; they'd begin to spasm soon. He disliked the asymmetry he felt upon waking, one side more sore than the other. Pro: this was how he usually slept. Normality was essential to both his image and internal condition.

He tried to turn onto his back, found it impossible. He resolved not to change positions more often than necessary; it would be stupid to give L such an obvious advantage, not when they both knew the handcuffs weren't necessary. Light was confined to a small padded room with no windows and a single, barred door, nothing in the room but a low cot, toilet, and himself, nothing on the cot but a thin mattress - barely more than two strips of cloth and a paper layer of foam. How could he leave? Where would he go, with a floor full of police above him and a camera trained on him at all times? More importantly, why would he want to? He had so much to prove by staying.

He'd almost managed to fall asleep when the air crackled. There wasn't a pattern to this, although it happened often enough that Light was able to contain his irritation with practiced ease. Sometimes L let him sleep; the rest of the time they played annoying mind games.

"Light, are you ready to confess?" The voice came from everywhere and nowhere, surround sound: the speakers were probably embedded in the walls. Light responded with silence.

"Light, the Kira killings still haven't resumed."

Of course they haven't. And if they had, would you tell me?


************************


L sat in an upscale hotel room and yes, he was biting his thumb, and yes, he was hunched in a chair with his legs drawn forward and toes gripping the edge of the seat. They clenched and unclenched, rhythmically. The chair was small and he'd carefully positioned his knees to either side of the large computer screen in front of him - it wouldn't do to block his view of Light. The room was dark, the only light the steady glow of the screen. Even the curtains had been drawn, although the rush of traffic from the street below was still audible. L found it was easier to concentrate on the screen with ambient light eliminated. In a well-lit room he blinked 8, 9 times a minute; in a darkened room he hardly needed to blink at all.

L bit down harder. The images on the screen never altered - Light, curled on his side on a meter-wide cot, hair falling forward to obscure his eyes, breathing evenly as if in sleep; Amane, strapped into a standing position; Yagami, seated on a folding chair with his head between his hands. L knew he was dividing his attention between them unevenly, but Light was, as always, the most important. Catch first Kira and the rest will fall into place.

He was uncertain as to how long this could continue. Ideally he'd have at least a month to work a confession out of Light. Sleep deprivation, physical discomfort, psychological manipulation, irregular meal times: all of these would help convince Light to talk. The trick would be not to push so far that the idea of Kira was planted in Light's mind regardless of his innocence, because a confession obtained that way wouldn't prove anything beyond his own ability to extract confessions. Although since Light was definitely Kira, perhaps it would be easiest…

No good. Aside from the ethical considerations, he was being watched. Chief Yagami would want to review the tapes. Moreover, he was curious as to how Light had done it, and he'd never find out if Light was executed without a true confession.

The instant he'd decided, he felt better. Was it relief? Or happiness? How could one tell? Practice, he supposed.

Is this what it feels like when logic and emotion coincide?


******************************


Interrogation Transcript, 1/11/04 (eighth day of confinement[1]):

L: How are you doing, Light?
Light: Badly, as I'm sure you can see.
Light: I'm always tired.
L: Inspector Mogi is interrogating Amane right now. Would you like to listen?
Light: I thought you said Misa was none of my business. [2]
L: The situation has changed. Are you interested?
Light: [brief pause, 5 seconds] [3]
Light: Let her go. If I'm Kira she has nothing to do with this.
L: Do you care what happens to her?
Light: Of course. She's innocent.
L: Not "she's my girl"?
Light: Justice comes first. You of all people should understand that.
L: [brief pause, 10 seconds] [4]
L: I don't believe you. There are no innocents.
Light: What do you mean?
L: To Kira and second Kira there are no innocents.
Light: [brief pause, 5 seconds]
Light: What about me? Even if I'm Kira, I'm innocent of it.
L: I don't believe that either. Why don't you confess?
L:You are Kira and you know that you are Kira.
[long pause, 30 seconds]
L: I also know that you are Kira.

Notes:
[1] I believe that Light believes this is the sixth day of confinement. I have ordered his meals delivered at irregular intervals.
[2] Light continues show a slight hesitation when referring to Amane by her given name. There is a ninety-nine percent chance that his affection for her is an act covering for her involvement as second Kira.
[3] This may indicate Light's uncertainty as to how much Amane has already given away. Overall, however, he shows an unnatural belief in her. Light is not a romantic; it is strange that his faith is so constant. I am not sure what this means.
[4] Well met, Yagami Light.


**********************


They'd placed him in another room, in another building. Light had been blindfolded and his hearing muffled during the move, but he could guess that the new room was within a few miles of the old one. Since he hadn't known where the old room was this knowledge was useless.

His new room wasn't padded like the old one, nor did it have bars on one side. Instead it was white, a perfectly white cube. There was only one door. The cameras weren't visible, but Ryuk had told him there were more than half a dozen embedded in the plaster, enough to observe him from nearly every possible angle. Ryuk was looking really bad these days; apple withdrawal had bent him into a pretzel twice over.

He kept his eyes squinted against the light reflected from the walls and ceiling and thought about snow glare. A man forced to wander outdoors in winter could go blind, slowly burning out his retinas against the brilliant white of reflected sunlight. Caught in the snow, you're faced with an impossible situation: either you travel during the day and lose your vision, or travel at night and die from exposure and the cold.

This room was sort of like that. It was white, anyway. Bright.

He could remember reading a story about snow glare, a long time ago. A Chinese soldier was heading home to Chang-An and had to cross the Gobi desert. It was winter and snow covered the sand, everything flat as glass. Cold air bit his cheeks and nose, snow crunched loud as gunshots under his feet, sunlight shone down distantly and without mercy. The landscape was tranquil and alien and very, very bright.

He walked as quietly as he could, unwilling to disturb the silence, and shot the occasional surreptitious look behind him. He wondered if he was truly alone. Light realized three things: that he was that soldier, that he never truly alone, and that he was hallucinating. He attributed it to lack of sleep; it had been several days since he'd last had a good night's rest and hallucinations could start as early as 50 hours into the sleep-deprivation cycle. He wondered if he would lose his mind and whether he would ever get it back.

How far is L going to take this? he wondered, and felt the sharp bite of cold through his bare feet as he stumbled in the snow. How far should I?


*************************


L had realized he didn't have to be careful: he was dealing with Yagami Light, who had an iron constitution. Their exchanges over the loudspeaker were perfectly lucid, even when it was clear Light was hallucinating. Since nothing could phase him, everything he said under confinement would be either a deliberate lie or the truth - in other words, the lies Light told would only ever be the ones he wanted to tell. L couldn't influence him, and therefore didn't have to hold back with him.

It was an exhilarating feeling. Also a regretful one - he'd miss him after he was executed. He thumbed the switch for the speakers in Light's room. "Light, are you there? What do you see?"

"Four white walls, Ryuzaki. Am I supposed to be seeing something else?"

"Actually, yes. You should be delusional by now."

Light laughed and laughed, and then abruptly stopped laughing. It was possible he'd been frightened by his own reaction. "In that case, I'm in the desert."

L squinted slightly, an imperceptible amount really, at the television monitor directly in front of him. The set-up was much better here; he had an entire bank of screens dedicated to Light, who was sitting with his head bent over his knees, his face to the floor and expression hidden by uncharacteristically long hair. It was a pity they hadn't thought to install cameras in the floor. "Is that so? The desert? According to my data your body temperature should be much lower than normal." Medical fact, insomnia lowers body temperature. "If this keeps up for much longer, you may die." Which was a bluff, of course. Still...

Perhaps I'm going too far?


**********************

Matsuda's Diary Case Files, 7/11/04:

When I came into the new building the other day (damned inconvenient, the security features take hours to go through), Ryzaki was watching a movie. It was really funny to see him like that, because I didn't think Ryuzaki watched movies at all, let alone ones in French. At least it was probably French? All slurry and nasal, like. The subtitles I'm pretty sure were English (no accents over the letters) but Ryuzaki didn't seem to need them. Could he be from France? I always thought he was Japanese. It was a black and white movie, probably pretty old.

So I asked him what the movie was for. And he said it was because he was out of practice. So I asked him what he meant by that, and he said it had been a long time since he'd interrogated anyone. So then I asked him what he meant by that, and he said the movie was the same one the CIA (that's in America, you know) used to use to train their operatives for interrogations. It was a really frightening movie, people screaming and crying and trying to throw themselves out of windows and stuff. Makes you feel really bad for them.

What else happened today? The other investigators and I decided to meet tomorrow to discuss Ryuzaki's methods. Aizawa thinks he's going too far and that we ought to appeal to the chief, and I think… I agree with him? I mean, Ryuzaki is really smart and everything, but he seems a little out of it lately. The Kira murders started up again last Friday, which means Light can't be doing them. It might be time to take him out of confinement.

***************

Light had decided he was tired of white. That was why there wasn't a single cloud in the sky, just blue forever like drowning. The grass beneath him was soft and accommodating, if slightly lumpy and uncomfortable - there was only so much he could do with his poor excuse for a mattress, after all. There were no walls here, just grass in gently swelling waves and an endlessly blue sky.

It should probably have smelled like something, but Light was a city boy and couldn't quite remember the smell of grass. The only sounds were from the wind: no insects or small animals. If he had to hallucinate, he might as well make it as pleasant a hallucination as possible.

"Light, are you awake?" L said from beside him, reaching down to pluck at a blade of grass. He held it delicately between two fingers, examined it with a curious solemnity, his face twisted almost upside-down. His eyes wandered from the grass to Light, seemingly in no hurry.

"What is it?" L asked.

"Grass, obviously," Light said. "We're in the middle of a field."

"Ah. I am there as well?"

"Of course. I'm under observation - you're always with me, even when you really aren't." That hadn't come out right. Light shrugged internally. It made sense to him: better to imagine L with him than to forget he was being watched. He grasped for his other personality, the one that didn't have anything to hide. "I got tired of being alone all the time," he said. "You're good company."

It was almost true: Ryuk was a terrible conversationalist, especially now that they couldn't talk. Ha ha, how clever. Light watched the sky, blankly, felt the familiar rage and resentment simmering just under his skin, wished he could lie back for minute. "How much longer do I have to stay here?" he asked, almost idly. His left eye began to twitch.

"Only until the killings start again," L said. "Or until you confess. If it makes you feel better, we let your father out of confinement yesterday. He was in the cell next to yours." L gestured vaguely to the left. There was nothing but grass and empty space there, but if Light squinted he could just barely see the wall. He had trouble focusing on it - it was too close, swimming in his vision like an optical illusion.

"You didn't tell me he was confined," Light said, with a deceptive mildness. "I trust it was his own decision?"

"Yes," L conceded. "Involuntary incarceration without material evidence is beyond the scope of this investigation."

"But not beyond you," Light observed, shifting his weight to ease the strain on his neck. He continued to stare into the sky.

"I work within the Law," L said, with such dead-pan precision that Light was sure he meant something else entirely.

Light thought he heard something - turned his head to catch it - a high whine, almost a pure tone. Perhaps there were insects here after all. L was gone, only Ryuk was here with him now, and suddenly Light couldn't concentrate anymore. The field faded out. It was nice there, Light thought, but I'm tired.

Should I have shown more concern for my father? Was L fooled? What would I have done, before? Light felt he was at the breaking point but somwhow couldn't find the energy to care.

******************

L watched as Light's eyes slowly regained focus. This was almost it, he thought: almost the point where Light would lose track of more than his external reality. Only a day or so longer and he wouldn't be able to keep his story straight, would open his mouth to say something to someone invisible and this time he actually would. L felt both elation and regret but focused on the elation as being more conducive to the investigation.

He stabbed his fork triumphantly into the strawberry shortcake cradled between his knees. It had been a difficult investigation, but he was the greatest detective in the world and had only once lost a case. The key was, as always, in the details. For example: Light never closed his eyes anymore, only squinted or stared. At best he kept them half-lidded. This showed how accustomed he'd become to his environment, because every time he closed his eyes L dropped the temperature in the room, or broadcast above-audible but still irritating sonics, or began a conversation with him. Light had no time to himself, not even while L himself was asleep; he and Watari took shifts.

The cake was a little dry. L swished it around in his mouth experimentally, but it was just as dry when he swallowed again. He'd have to tell Matsuda to buy a better brand next time. He absently swung his fork back and forth between his middle finger and thumb, like a pendulum. Behind him the latch on the door disengaged with an audible click; that would probably be Matsuda. He twisted in his seat.

It was not only Matsuda, but Aizawa, Chief Yagami and Mogi as well, practically the entire team. They shuffled in single file with a collective air of guilty determination and L had a sudden, terrible premonition of mutiny. He was so close…this would be the worst possible time.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked. He made sure to lean while taking another bite of cake, obscuring as best he could the monitors showing Light's condition. He doubted the elder Yagami would appreciate it.

Matsuda started, "Well, Ryuzaki, you see, we were talking, and…"

"The death of criminals has resumed," Aizawa put in, bluntly. "Kira has already made up for his two weeks lapse and has been proceeding apace for the last week and a half."

"Yes, I know," L said. He took another bite of cake. "We've already discussed this: while it greatly reduces the likelihood of Light's having been Kira, it does not eliminate the possibility."

"That's not the point, Ryuzaki," Yagami said. "The point is that Aizawa has recently brought to my attention the appalling way you have been treating my son. Under the prior circumstances I might have allowed it, but as things stand I refuse to stand by while my son is tortured, despite compelling evidence that he is not Kira."

"It's not really up to you, though," L said, distantly. "This is my investigation, not yours." He took another bite, was surprised to find that he had run out of cake, glanced sidelong at the other investigators.

That had thrown Matsuda - his expression was almost comical, eyes wide and head swiveling from Yagami to L and back again - but Yagami mearly gave a tight-lipped smile. "That might be so," he allowed, "but I can certainly interfere in it. I can, and I will."

He and L stared at each other. Aizawa broke the impasse. "We aren't asking you to release Yagami, Ryuzaki," he said. "We're only asking that you adjust your methods. Loosen up a little, let him sleep every once and a while."

"And Misa!" Matsuda put in. "Take off the restraints; they've been on long enough."

It was bad timing, but he couldn't afford to alienate these men. "Agreed," L said. "I will relax the interrogation a little." He watched the sets of their shoulders relax. Mogi in particular had been extremely tense. He hated to think of how close he'd come to a full-out confrontation.

Easing up just a little shouldn't make much difference… right?

********************

It was, ironically enough, a very small thing that did it. Light had grown accustomed awkward mealtimes. With both hands tied behind him, he had no choice but to eat without them, tearing at his food - usually bread with some kind of vegetable sauce, occasionally rough strips of meat - with his teeth, like an animal. It was incredibly undignified and he hated and resented it, but at some point had stopped minding.

But today, today… he'd been given some sort of gruel. He'd been allowed almost two full days of sleep and, for the first time in a long time, was thinking perfectly clearly. He could, for example, clearly envision the picture he would make, kneeling in his small white cell with his legs slightly apart, bent over his food. His face in his food, long hair falling forward disgustingly close to it. He'd have to carefully brace his feet for balance or else risk falling in himself. He could clearly envision his father and the others, L watching him as he did this.

It was suddenly too much. So he did what he should have done weeks ago, what he undoubtedly would have done if he'd been thinking clearly enough.

He cleared his throat. "All the claims that I had to my ridiculous pride…I forfeit them." Through the sudden fog he thought he could see a dark figure uncurl itself from the hopeless knot it had made on the floor, had made since, since…

He blinked. What am I doing here?




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[info]telophase
2004-11-15 03:52 am UTC (link)
Stealing ideas? Hell, I'm all about mining *this* for ideas. :)

I'm liking what you're doing with this - most of the DN fic I've read don't do anything /different/ with the characters - they're mostly introspective character pieces, and while those can be really nice (if you're a Naruto fan, have you read this one?), after a while, they get to be monotonous. It's nice to see somethign that's got more ... oomph to it.

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[info]sub_divided
2004-11-15 04:45 am UTC (link)
No, nor can I. Naruto fic is friends-locked, alas! (Everyone keeps reccing [info]medize - perhaps I should just friend her?)

Not all Death Note fic is introspection - just, um, most of it. XD Have pity on our poor fandom! It's really hard to write anything else because 1) no one knows where the manga's going, and 2) the characters are so complicted that just doing introspection is hard enough. Really, you could intropec until the end of time and still not cover all of it.

And hey, and if you want something different, [info]labateleur does great speculative DN fic and [info]keelywolfe does great smut. [info]tvs_bialy even does crackheaded sugary fluff fic, and there's a good deal of crack at the [info]deathnote100 comm as well. (Oh wait, you're in the Death Note comm too. You probably already know all this. Check out dn100!)

You like what I'm doing? It was your idea! What it all comes down to, is I don't write descriptively enough for straight introspection. I need action or it all falls apart, XD.

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[info]telophase
2004-11-15 05:11 am UTC (link)
Ah, friends-locked. Er ... um ... check your gmail soon. *shifty look*

I know it's hard to do anything else in DN at the moment, but after the fifty millionth "R/L looks at L/R while he's sleeping and muses on the relationship as symbolized by the handcuffs," I'm about ready to scream. :)

Of course, I have a hard time with action and having things happen in fic I write, because I'm so character-focused, but I also can't write "serious" fic -- I'm a, well, not /humor/ writer, but my characters end up relating to each other and doing what they do in ways that end up funny, because if I try to do serious, it just feels pretentious to me. Which is why I couldn't do a DN fic by myself - I'd end up changing and mutating the characters to fit my sense of the absurd, most likely. I have a hard time writing fanfic anyway - I can reason out what the characters would act like, but I can't make them act that way, if that makes sense, so I admire anyone who /can/ write fanfic and write it well.

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[info]absenceofmind
2004-11-15 06:43 am UTC (link)
Er--Sonya, i think you said we could call you?

SONYA-CHAN. WHERE IS THE REST. YOU CANNOT LEAVE IT LIKE THAT? (not that i don't admire you sincerely for being able to do things like prioritize.)


the gobi desert stands out as a particularly brilliant use of imagery.


question. do you think that L is really certain that Light is Kira? he never gives anything other than a few rather low percentages, as far as i recall...

ok. more comments to follow.

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I AM JUSTIFIED :O
[info]sub_divided
2004-11-15 04:44 pm UTC (link)


It's only after Light gives up the Death Note that L begins to have doubts, and even then he is extremely reluctant to relinquish his "pet" theory. Which is correct, but whatever.

Yes. Gobi desert. There were a ridiculous number of things that went into making it the Gobi desert and not some other hallucination, but I'll spare you. The important thing is, I consider imagery the absolutely weakest part of my writing (that and abruptness and unnecessary words (this is not a contradiction)), so thank you thank you!

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Re: I AM JUSTIFIED :O
[info]keraha
2004-11-15 10:09 pm UTC (link)
Whoa, I don't recall ever reading that... What chapter is that from?

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Re: I AM JUSTIFIED :O
[info]sub_divided
2004-11-16 01:25 am UTC (link)
Chapter thirty-four, page twelve. I win!

Don't talk to me about the math exam. Me, prioritize, YEAH RIGHT YOU HAVE NO IDEA, omg omg omg theregoesmygpaiamsoscrewed *wails*.

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Re: I AM JUSTIFIED :O
[info]absenceofmind
2004-12-07 07:23 pm UTC (link)
AH YOU FINISHED IT!!! YOU FINISHED IT YOU FINISHED IT!!!!

...and it's STILL upsetting and there's no kinky sex. wah.

ok. see, i'd gotten so used to reading good!light that i'd kind of pushed the evil raito out of my head because i want to kill him forgotten exactly how tense and calculated that entire ginormous gamble was. only, it wasn't really, was it? because at any moment, he had that safe word in his hand. he could've forgotten about it from day 1, and been totally au naturel in his innocence. and i think he held out that long just to prove that he could, and because he wanted to fuck with L's head.

speaking of L, i adore your L. he's every bit as, well, creepy as he really is in canon. many people perceive L to be the default good guy, but he's not? i mean, to my mind, he's just a flip side of light. they're very similar indeed, and you know what they say about what it takes to be a good homicide detective. so your L, dry and fascinated, yet ever, ever ruled by his cerebellum, is really great. that click, when his emotions and his intellect align---ahhhhh. suggesting, of course, that usually they don't and that's just m.o. for him.

so, um, where's my kinky sex? *taps foot*

<333333 HEY AND YOU DID READ [info]darkeyedwolf's amazing DN fics, right???

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Re: I AM JUSTIFIED :O
[info]sub_divided
2004-12-07 08:05 pm UTC (link)
<333 YES I TOTALLY DID. ALL TWO OF THEM AND THEN I LAMENTED THAT THERE WEREN'T MORE. They were awesome! First time I read L/Light and it practically made me a convert right there; only reason I'm still a tiny bit on the side of Light/L (when slashed at all) is because I like Light better. Shallow, yes, but there it is.

DN sex for me involves a total suspension of beliefs. Tell you what: I'll wrestle down my puritan inhibitions and grasping dependence on canon and then I'll get back to you. XD!

On the safe word: I didn't think of that? Messing with L's mind, I like that, it fits. What I was thinking is that it's a gamble either way, either Light risks giving himself away or else risks possibly not being able to get back the dn and failing his mission as Kira. (Ha ha ha, it's the Gobi "blind or frozen" parallel I am so clever.) And then i needed an excuse for him to keep at it even when it obviously wasn't working so I decided by that point he was too tired to make a proper decision. But motivations are really a moot point because the fact was that I needed Light not to be innocent to write this story so it was going to happen one way or another, and I'd just have to justify it afterwards.

Ah, I'm gonna be late for class! <3<3<3

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[info]kaijoudarkbliss
2005-04-01 10:37 am UTC (link)
your icon made me stop and blink for a few minutes. I'm not entirely sure if anyone has ever had a completely black box for an icon before, this is truly strange and individual... I applaud you

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[info]keraha
2004-11-15 08:23 am UTC (link)
I just realized you called this a BONDAGE fic. You utter, utter tease. Where is the kinky bondage? the dirty sub_divided smut?! You have misled us all!

Other than the conspicuous lack of gay porn (No, I really am kidding. ^^), this is very, very cool. I love the detail about L needing to blink "hardly at all" in the dark and that whole first scene with Light searching for a comfortable position. They were such vivid details. And I love the transcript and its notes. It's so real. And not to gush too much, but the Light hallucinations were so, so wonderful. The personal insecurities of both Light and L made them that much more human (and I don't think your L wasn't villainized so much as made more detached). On the other hand, I was a little iffy on the phrasing of "The instant he'd decided, he felt a warm flush, like the feeling he got after really good chocolate cake," mostly because "really good chocolate cake" sounds too simplistic when compared with your other, richer paragraphs. And personally, I can't see that last bit being in Matsuda's voice. Which is so not your fault. The last few chapters have spoiled any chances of an intelligent Matsuda in my head. >.<

In short-- the fact that I will be living out the sleep deprivation research is all your fault. That's what you get for posting this kind of brain boggling fic late enough that I don't see it until now! *shakes fist* *prepares for hallucinations*

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[info]telophase
2004-11-15 12:47 pm UTC (link)
SLEEP IS FOR WIMPS!

Well, I say tha tonly because I didn't go to sleep until after midnight, being all headachy, and then woke at 5:30 even /more/ headachy and didn't get back to sleep, but the good news is that this is one of teh ehadaches that is controlled by my blood sugar, so a PowerBar has just taken the edge right off of it.

...arg, time to call up the new doctor and make an appointment. the old doctor thought it might be diabetes, since my blood sugar affect some of the headaches. Suppose I better get that either confirmed or ruled out...

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not bondage wot? he's tied up! close enough!
[info]sub_divided
2004-11-16 01:45 am UTC (link)
KERAHA YOU ARE THE BEST! Notice I have (temporarily) fixed the cake thing by being vague; I've got an idea for a more precise fix but it will be a while. Thank you! keraha crit is the best crit there is!

The Matsuda part stays because it is necessary to establish a sense of impending doom. I don't think Matsuda is a complete idiot... no, wait, I actually do. Oh well. Perhaps he sounds smarter in his own head. Adding enough to that section that his thought processes are completely transparent should help, because that will make him seem stupider even if he isn't really (I think).

L: detached, exactly. I actually see him this way in general, not just in this fic. Light, on the other hand, comes off much less evil than I'd intended. It's hard to create a sinister "victim".

(The movie L is watching, btw, is the The Battle of Algiers. Italian film from 1966, and it really is used by the CIA to train their operatives.)

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[info]falxumbra
2004-11-15 03:27 pm UTC (link)
Your evil!L makes me very, very, very happy, even if he isn't so much evil as lacking in morals and empathy. The sleep deprivation also makes me madly happy, because anything that induces wandering-in-the-desert-hallucinations has to be good. The "how far is L going to take this/perhaps I'm going too far" part makes my toes tingle in a happy way.

And the interrogation transcript part? SEX. You make up for the lack of pr0n by giving us mind games and power struggles, and it is good. (Of course, a little smut wouldn't go amiss, but it'd be out of place in this fic, I think.)

Also a regretful one - he'd miss him. This line confuses me- probably because I'm an idiot, but I'm not entirely clear on what L would be missing- or rather, the text doesn't make it clear, since I'm pretty sure I can infer the meaning.

In closing, despite my tendency to ramble like a lobotomized chipmunk, I really really like the fic and await the end of it with great anticipation. So don't let schoolwork kill you, because that would be sad, and not just because you wouldn't be able to finish this.

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Crit! Excellent!
[info]sub_divided
2004-11-16 01:55 am UTC (link)
Fixed-ish? I dunno, there's a temporary fix on there until I have the time for a better one. I was a bit iffy about that line as well. (The paragraph was getting too long, you see. I went a-chopping.)

*shakes self out of trance generated by your icon* Glad you like it! and extra, extra glad I don't have to write smut. (You know I can't. You know it. It would be totally horrific.)

Thanks V- I'll think I'll live, sadly enough. Me and my plumeting GPA *bemoans*.

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[info]mildlyinsane
2004-12-07 10:26 am UTC (link)
*____*

[info]sesame_seed rec'd this. am so very glad i followed the link. *scatters slices of strawberry shortcake in your path*

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[info]sub_divided
2004-12-07 06:59 pm UTC (link)
*blushes like L never would* Aw, thank you.

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[info]kuroi_neko_nyo
2004-12-09 09:16 pm UTC (link)
Best reason to procrastinate on my homework ever. ;D I hope you have some more Death Note fics soon. X3

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[info]sub_divided
2004-12-10 03:13 am UTC (link)
Ahaha, here's the thing: it's Finals Week and iamgoingtodie. But I'm also really, really glad you liked this. So, thanks! Any time (that isn't now)!

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[info]kuroi_neko_nyo
2004-12-10 03:15 am UTC (link)
Haha Perfectly understandable. I should work on ISU things, too, but there are so many other better things to do and I have zero willpower. Hehe.

Good luck on your finals, btw. :D

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[info]sub_divided
2004-12-10 03:21 am UTC (link)
<3 good luck to you, too.

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[info]tarigwaemir
2004-12-09 09:54 pm UTC (link)
Oh. My. Gosh. So very wonderful! I don't have the intelligence to think up convoluted mind games between L and Raito, but they are my favorite part of Death Note, so it's great to find a fic that actually uses them. And the interrogation notes and Matsuda's diary--perfect touches! Why don't I read fic like this more often? XD

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[info]sub_divided
2004-12-10 03:19 am UTC (link)
I know, right? Where's the crazy L&Light power struggles that I love about the manga?! (Not that I don't still love the manga now, but man, I miss them...) If you want good battle-of-wits fic, I'd suggest [info]absenseofmind, although she has only written one longish death note fic (and her journal is friends-only, as well, so I can't point you to it. Sigh). Also, [info]sesame_seed wrote one with a nicely creepy L in it, which is always good to see. Check her memories - the two Death Note fics there come highly, highly recommended.

As for me... ahhh, glad you liked it. I thought it'd be good to put a little variety into the fic; it's wonderful to know someone else agrees with me. Thanks!

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[info]sub_divided
2004-12-11 04:28 am UTC (link)
Thank you! I've taken out that AU! part annndd I'm seriously glad you liked the rest. Happy place, really? Wow. <3

If I were braver Light would have cracked. I'm not sure I like the way this ends: it's almost a cop-out, nothing's resolved, Light wins on a techinicality, etc etc. On the other hand any other ending and I'd really have been getting away from the manga so I, um. Sort of chickened out. Eh heh.

Good!Raito has grown on me lately - enitrely [info]sesame_seed's fault for writing such awesome DN fic about him - but I definitely hear ya. If it wasn't for her I'd probably still be in mourning for the old one.

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[info]vikki
2005-01-20 07:12 am UTC (link)
oh, that was good. gooooooood. <3 Love. I adore how L came close, and yet failed, and all because of his team ... it's lovely.

<3 LOVE.

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[info]sub_divided
2005-01-20 11:41 am UTC (link)
Aw, thank you! I couldn't see any internal way to resolve anything, so I had to bring in the investigators.

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[info]fantomeq
2005-04-21 11:35 pm UTC (link)
This was wonderful! L is so ruthless, and Light does his best to resist. I loved the desert delusion.

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[info]sub_divided
2005-04-22 02:06 am UTC (link)
Thank you! No matter how cuddly L looks, he's as bad as Light in some ways.

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[info]b_hallward
2005-04-22 01:30 am UTC (link)
Wow, this is great. The Gobi desert delusion is beautifully executed, and I like how you included the annotated tape transcription.

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[info]sub_divided
2005-04-22 02:05 am UTC (link)
Wait wait, does this mean you read Death Note now? *cautiously optimistic celebatory dance* that would rock! Death Note is a very cool manga.

And thank you! XD I like those parts as well (although the transciption was really the easy way out, if you know what I mean. Description is hard).

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[info]b_hallward
2005-04-22 02:25 am UTC (link)
I haven't got DN yet, a grievous oversight I hope soon to correct. And, I agree, generally using transcriptions is a cop-out, but I think what really made this instance work for me were the footnotes -- they were so telling, not only what L said, but the fact that he would express a philosophical confrontation of that scope and magnitude in a footnote. But maybe I'm reading too much into it. ^^

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[info]sub_divided
2005-04-22 03:02 am UTC (link)
Err hahaha. Actually the "strange that his faith is so constant" line has a perfectly boring mundane explanation. But L is the sort of person who'd footnote questions of philosophy, because they don't interest him. He's got an unshakable worldview that doesn't match with anyone else's.

Erm ahem *cough* manga download *cough*. Although it's cool that you'd read this without knowing the series. Did it make any sense? (For the record, Light is 100% guilty.)

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[info]b_hallward
2005-04-22 04:33 am UTC (link)
Yeah, it did. I mean, I didn't know exactly how Light got into this situation, the emotional relationships came through clearly and I'll take character over plot every time. I wasn't sure at first, but by the end I'd picked up that Light was guilty. The only thing that puzzled me a bit was the way the story ended -- it seems like what would happen next was implied, I couldn't quite get it -- I just figured it referred to something from the series. But since the story had reached its emotional and thematic resolution, it didn't really bother me.

And thanks. Though I'm sure this will lead to even more sleep deprivation -- but, hey, who needs sleep?

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[info]sub_divided
2005-04-22 04:50 am UTC (link)
At the end the story stops being an AU and goes back into the manga timeline. Hahaha.

When Light "gives up," he's giving up his memories of having committed the crimes so that he can't give himself away. Anyone who reads the manga knows that it has to be this way, so the ending an anticlimax. But! I didn't know what else to do! The only real way to end an escalating rivalry is with DEATH, that's the problem.

Note: I realize this sounds terrible (probably because it is). But if I ever manage to finish a plot-ful epic, you can be sure that DEATH will be the ending. And that is why I don't write plot.

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[info]paitac
2005-12-11 02:17 am UTC (link)
this be so bloody brilliant that i find myself making mutated chicken sounds.

loved the way L's actions made me repeatedly question what is justified and what isn't. a~lso, a great deal of depth this added to what the manga itself previously provided and i think i shall metaphorically hug you for writing it. *nodnod*

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